I'm such a contradiction, such a hypocrite. I'm so vain and selfish and egotistical yet so shy and self-concious and caring about everyone but myself. I love myself, I loathe myself, I talk about how the world is fucked up and unaccepting and then I turn around and look down on someone for liking a certain band or caring about expensive clothes and fashion. I feel sometimes so full of love I will burst and I just want to run to every single person and tell them they are beautiful and perfect and so amazing they should never change or doubt themselves...then other times I'm outraged and hurt and I direct my anger which turns into fear and hate at people who have flung a mean word or look at me, at the people who's eyes looked me up in down in contemptous judgement and I think anyone that looks like them or is anyway similar to them must be the exact same, so I end up shunning a whole group of people for just one persons actions and it's my own silly, foolish confusion and pain that makes me act rash and ignorant like this. I hate it.
But wait. I am so beautiful on the inside and I know so much that I could teach those more ignorant and if only people could accept me I could love them unconditionally because I am worth love, I am amazing if you look close enough. No. I despise everything about me. I deserve to die, I am so worthless and crazy and ugly. Don't look at me, don't trust me, don't care about me. Leave me here to suffer in my own mental hell...I know nothing else.