My mind is muddled with what I want to do, what other people want me to do, or what I should do.
The last few days have been kind of weird and depressing. On Sunday I came back from Phoenix and heard the news that Laura (wonderfulfuckingbeautifulLaura) had gotten breast cancer. Supposedly she has to have both of her breasts removed and if they find that the cancer has spread to her lymph nodes she could D-I-E. When I heard this news I felt like a waterfall of gushing water was smashing through my lungs, pushing and pounding through my insides so I couldn't breathe. I sat on my bed and cried into my pillow, leaving dark smears of mascara and I couldn't stop for a very long time. Why the fuck does life keep fucking with the only good people I know? "Why cant it be someone like me who deserves such a thing that ges fucking cancer and not Laura who is the epitamy of beautiful?" I sobbed at no one in particular. God, I swear to god if I could, I would take this horrible disease from her to me in one second. I hate this so much. I love Laura. I know no one who laughs as much and loudly as she does. Who jokes as much. Who is generally happy with life. Who makes you feel all good and gives you hugs and hits on all the other girls to make people squirm. I am so utterly pissed off at fate or god or whatever I just want to slam down there bloody doors and yell there ear off, giving them a piece of my mind on what a terrible, fucked up system they run. So yeah, this has really put a dismal turn on my week so far.