matthews birthday is next tuesday.
The words are always held back right on the tip of my tounge, almost spilling out, but with me hastily catching them before they fall. I cant let anyone hear, I cant open up, something bad will follow. I have to always be on guard, stop screwing up and letting words slip. Hold it back. Dont let them know the bad stuff. Especially her. She doesnt deserve that. I wish I knew who I was...I dont even know how to describe myself. I am always fluctuating, hiding and forever changing. Always indicisive and nervous. I wish I just knew who the hell I was and what I wanted so I could stop screwing everybody over and messing with peoples minds, especially my own. Everything thats wrong in my head or my life is because of me. I bring everything upon myself. I am the cause of my pain. How do I stop doing this to myself...?