My mom and Bruce never fight. At least they never did. Until this past year. Problems, problems...my mom is to much of a wild spirit. She never stays content with just one guy. Thats why she cheated on my dad and is now causing problems with Bruce. A little while ago she was attracted to this man. She started hanging out with him a lot. Bruce sort of noticed (so did the whole world) so they fought about that for awhile. I think it really hurt Bruce, but my mom cant help herself. Thats just who she is. She felt bad though. She wanted to make it work with Bruce, she said. She would sometimes see him in secret and I had to keep quiet. I hate being the middle man but I am always on my moms side even though I hate her. I hate her so much I love her. I mean, I know deep down I love her but sometimes its just so hard beliving that. She hurts my feelings all the time, she creates so much havoc, shes sacastic when I try and be serious. But I always long for her to pay attention to me, I need her. I am always telling her the secrets her boyfriends bade me not share. Were a team, me and her.
I dont know if she got over that man but this weekend things have gotten weird again. We were at the coffee shop and Bruce seemed stony and quiet all morning. Then my mom saw this one guy and went over to say hello -nothing unusual. But Bruce all of a sudden was like, "Your mom thinks that guys real cute. She thinks he's great stuff." He gave this dry, forced laugh and glowered some more. And I was like, "what?" I was sort of taken aback, Bruce never says stuff like that to me. But he didn't respond, he continued to watch her moodily. Then later when she came back he was like, "watch out or your going to give me a complex". I dont know it was strange...tonight everything was normal and all but my mom was goin out dancing like usual when Bruce got out of bed and went downstairs. At first I thought they were just talking, wondering what they were doing, but when I went down to get some more organic lemonade they were fighting. "Why dont you ever think about me?" Bruce was accusing. I felt like an intruder. I tried to get out fast and bruce tried to follow me but mum was like, "I am not done with you yet. Sharee shut the door." So I hurried upstairs and they started fighting again and I could hear the tears in my mums voice as it cracked and she tried to defend herself. I dont even know what it is about now, but my mom will probably explain it to me tommorow. We tell each other to much. I give her fucking way to much details about my life and same goes for her. She tells me about her fights/relationships/pot addiction and sex.
When I was up here tuning them out I felt like crying but I didn't because I am trying to become something stronger. I am not going to let myself cry until school starts. Thats two months without breaking down -thats incredibly challenging for me as pathetic as that is. But, hey its been 8 days already. Anyway, I was thinking about if my mum seperated from Bruce and how sad and crushed I would be. But then I thought about it and I was like no...I could handle that. I would survive, it wouldn't hurt much. I have survived before and I know I can now, I never let it faze me when my mom moves on to the next guy...even though I become so attached to the guys. I just learn to cut them loose without cutting myself in the process. I really believed Bruce would work though...its been so long. So many years and they never fought. He seemed so nice. To go together. But whatever...maybe it will even be nice again. Me and my mum on our own like when I was younger and starved for her attention. A team. Like always. She always says though, "I still cant imagine settling down with one guy for the rest of my life." Maybe long-term is just not for her. Sigh. I wont let this affect me.