I've decided to chop off my left foot. For no other reason then I am sad as fuck. And bored. And I think loss of limb will remedy both situations. *runs along and looks for chainsaw* Where do my parents keep there chainsaw?! Shouldn't it be in the kitchen with all the other pots and pans jeeesh. Sometimes people make me want to pull my hair out.
Do you know that feeling where you love someone so much that it hurts every milisecond you breathe knowing that you'll never be able to hold them? Because they are perfect. And you are shit. fdgsjhfkskjghsdfhsjfaijfidsfjghhsrf! I hate being seventeen.
Ok and I dont know if this makes sense...but have you ever like really really liked someone but they dont even know that you exist, well they do but theyre probably just like, "yeah there goes that one freak." but anyway...the point is I just want them to be happy so I spend all my time wishing they'll end up with this certain person they like and I am overjoyed when theyre together and happy. and then I realize that I've been so busy trying to make their dreams come true that in the process I have been ripping apart mine and now I am emotionally fucked over. I feel incredibly happy for them and incredibly jealous and heartbroken all at the same time. Its so confusing. I dont even think I'm making sense. It's just...I hate everything that has to do with liking people and love and all that ickyness. I really do loathe it. But unfortunately I am daft and cannot keep myself from falling for people.
And everyone thinks I am so weird for having abandonment issues, but I dont see why. Because it is only natural that when every single person I've ever trusted and loved came into my life and then just fucking left without even an explanation or an apology...of course I am going to be terrified of abandonment. god, what else am I supposed to do? They keep coming into my life, pretending like they'll always be there and then they dont even have the decency to say good bye before they dissapear with all the rest of them. I've given up on hoping that things will change. people are always going to leave. my dad will never marry again, we'll just have a bunch of 30 year olds come in and out of our house till the day he dies. my mom will always cheat on the ones she loves and then ruin both of our lives. i will always be suicidal and therefore my parents will always resent me. i will never find anyone to love. i will never magically become pretty over night.. i will never meet burton. i will never have a successful carreer. and i am pretty sure i will never find this fucking chainsaw! So apparently my left foot is going to stay attached on top of all this...