Last night I got in a fight with me mum about Anna and I couldn't stop crying. It's such a sensitive subject for me...she's mad at me for hating Anna and "not giving her a chance", but I never asked for this shit. It's my house and my dad and my life and she is stealing everything from me. If hating Anna makes me a terrible person, then I better become resigned to hell straight away. There is absolutely NO way I can ever learn to like that child. I loathe, despise, and detest her to the very bottom of my worthless heart. The thought of her makes me cringe, the sight of her makes my head hurt and my stomach turn over. I'd rather have my eyes gouged out with an eggbeater then have to spend a day with her.
I want my dad to be happy...and he is happy with Heather, therefore I can't complain and I can't ruin this for him. He deserves happiness. But why is it impossible for us both to be happy at the same time? I wish our joy could be parallel. But when kjathleen and the boys lived with us I was beyond happy, i was in heaven. yet he was miserable.
and now heather and anna have come along which are the destruction of my happiness and the foundation of his.